The dictionary defines the word “empathy” as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Having empathy for me means to be there and to stand up for someone after a loss or tragic event. I envision standing up steady like tall trees that grow straight and true.
Every time I read about or hear about a friend who has suffered the death of a loved one my heart physically aches. I try to avoid movies, television shows, and books that feature a dying child especially. I have tremendous empathy, but the hurt can be overwhelming so, why would I do that to myself for the sake of entertainment? Because of my life experiences and my training, When I put on my Grief Recovery Specialist hat I can compartmentalize my feelings to focus and get through a session or a workshop. You too can master this ability to be there for someone even though you hurt for him or her.
I just received a message from a friend and former colleague who knows a family who is dealing with a tragedy. She asked if I would call her friends. I immediately thought,”Well, I don’t know if these folks would be too happy about a stranger calling them out of the blue no matter how well-intentioned.” I did offer to let her send them a one of my books with the offer that I would be willing to speak with anyone in the family. My friend agreed it would be the best solution. I love that my friend thought of me and trusted me with the hearts of her grieving friends.
So, empathy is human nature. When you hear the pain in someone’s voice, and your heart aches for him or her, you also get your grief brought back to the surface. You can protect yourself by not trying to bury your grief. You have to own it and face it and embrace it. Only then, can you be there for others in their time of need standing ramrod straight and tall, when they need your empathy and understanding. Be there for yourself too. Don’t stuff your feelings let them flow.
Be well,
Shirley
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