Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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“…there is no such thing as a straight Line”

“…there is no such thing as a straight Line”

March 19, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad 1 Comment

I woke up this morning anticipating that it might be a bit sad for me because it is my son’s birthday and he is not here. He hasn’t been here  meaning on earth in body for quite a number of years now. Yes, I still miss him and yes, his birthday is always a little difficult. Anyway, I grabbed my cell phone out of habit. I always check to make sure there aren’t any messages from my children. Well, one message caught my eye. It was from one of my best friends who lives in NC. It read something like KOMO TV Helicopter Crash. I ran for the bedroom to grab my glasses so I could actually read. I read the message again. I instinctively knew that my friend Bill was one of the deceased. I scrolled down to his place on my cell phone directory and punched the button. It rang once and went straight to voicemail. My heart stopped short. I closed my phone and went to my laptop in my living room. I went to Facebook. I saw a message from one of the reporters that Bill and I had both worked with. It read that he had lost a friend and colleague. As I searched down the FB messages I soon realized that there was an embargo on naming the victims of the crash. I scrambled to get ready for work. As I got out of my car I tried to call my friend and mentor Elaine. I left her a message. Then, I called another friend Josephine and said please call me back but please tell me that Bill wasn’t on that helicopter. Within minutes Josephine texted me back and sadly stated that yes, it was our friend Bill and that it was indeed heart breaking. I kept walking towards my building. I kept hearing my brain saying, “No! Oh no!” I walked faster. When I hit the lobby I kept my head down and made a beeline for my office. I burst into tears as soon as I got to my desk. Elaine called  me back and we cried together. A short time later my friend Jamie called and we cried together too. I spent my whole day crying between work telephone calls and emails and personal text messages and phone calls. I cried and I listened to my  aching heart. My boss offered me the opportunity to go home. I declined because I didn’t want to strand my co-worker with a lot of work when she came in. I also wanted to keep busy. But, consciously I allowed myself to cry whenever the thoughts of Bill crept back in or roared back in when people called or texted me about the crash. I did not stop myself from crying and I didn’t really care who saw me cry. I was processing my grief. I didn’t put my feelings in a jar and put it on the shelf for later. I let myself feel the pain and horror and sadness and I cried appropriately. I cried for Bill’s last 60 seconds where he must have known. I cried for his best friend and loving wife Nora  who had no idea when he went off to work this morning that a tragedy would strike. I cried for his son and daughter who lost their kind caring and loving father and I cried as I thought of his sister. I cried for all of his friends and loved ones who will miss him terribly. And of course, I cried for myself who lost a dear friend who always had a smile a hearty laugh and an amazing heart. He was one of the best photographers I ever worked with — not just because he was artistic creative and always saw the whole picture…but because he was a truly gentle man. As I sit here and write about it I feel as if I am practicing what I preach about how to grieve in a healthy way. We grievers just have to go with it and think about it as we flow along the path of pain and sorrow. When it comes to grieving there is no such thing as a straight line. Remember that. I know I sound like a broken record but you cannot ignore grief,  detour around it nor should you try to postpone it. Just feel it and experience the process so that you can get to the other side of it and start to enjoy the memories and the good times that you shared with the person who’s passing just left a hole in your heart. Be at peace Bill Strothman. You are already missed.
Be well.

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Comments

  1. Vikki Mascho says

    March 19, 2014 at 11:02 am

    I read all your blogs and each one helps me, but i want to know how long does it take before one can find peace? I can not think of my mom w/out bursting into tears, its hard to breath, and just so freaking sad. I miss her so much it hurts. Then i forget for a minute and go on w/ my day…… then think oh i have to tell mom…. then remember and it hits me like a brick in my face. Some times I feel so selfish cuz i got to have my mom for so long and others miss their loved ones who didn’t get that much time. This is torture ! love and miss your face. xoxoxo

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Reviews & Testimonials

Having dealt with the loss of my son, I can totally relate to this book. While reading it, I found myself reflecting back to the “stupid” things that people said to me when I was in the throes of so much pain that I couldn’t see past the very next second. I am comforted by Shirley’s words which are down to earth and easily understood. This book WILL help you if you let it. It is a quick read and is one of the things that I like most about it. Grief is a lifelong journey that changes over time so take care of your heart and read this book. It is… Read more
April Braykovich (Kirkland, WA) (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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This is a must read for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.. It is a quick read and knowing that the author has dealt with loss helps you to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we all deal in our own ways. I have read this book three times so far and each time I find something new to help me with the loss of my granddaughter. I will continue to read over and over again and I plan to purchase this book for any friend or family going through this process!
Barb Bottman, Snohomish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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