When the sky turns beautiful after sunset I think of my sweet brother Bobby. Sunset signals the end of the day. It won’t come back the same tomorrow or ever. Living in a place where we get beautiful pinky orange gold sunsets all the time makes me think of him every single day.
As we get closer to the anniversary of Bobby’s death I can feel the tension in my shoulders, neck and back and the ache in my heart blooming in my body like a fertilized cancer cell. Sick analogy right? A little close to home? Yes it is. I find myself being irritable and edgy. Reminds me of all the years after Cory died when I would feel this way as the anniversaries approached. This time it is a bit different because as sad and awful as it was to see my son die I didn’t have the anger that I have over Bobby’s sub-standard medical care. My brother should still be alive laughing with his wife and kids over something silly…playing his bass and looking forward to the holidays. But he isn’t here and his death should not have happened. All of this is compounded by a legal situation that should not be re-wounding his wife and kids. And me. I was deposed for the lawsuit and it was the biggest waste of time. Not sure what the guy’s strategy was but he asked the most ridiculous questions. We will have to wait and see I guess. It just pains me that Nette and the kids had to be asked similar ridiculous questions that tore holes in their already broken hearts. I won’t go into more detail at this time but just know that my brother should not have died. His wife and kids should not have to live without him. His four legged son Louie should not have to wonder where his master went and why doesn’t he come home.
So, the moral of the story is this — if you or a loved one is sick off and on or for a while, has a sore that doesn’t heal (even a tiny one) go see a doctor you trust. Then, go get another opinion or two. Then, be your own best advocate because you really cannot trust the doctors to know all that we consumers believe they should after all those years of education and practice. They screw up all the time. They have biases that make them treat people differently from one case to the next. Bobby was too trusting and naive but he should not have died because of it. Don’t let this scenario happen to someone you love. I hope your sunsets are just beautiful — not beautiful and reminders of the loss of a loved one.
Be well,
Shirley
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