Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Let the tears flow like waterfalls…

Let the tears flow like waterfalls…

November 8, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad 2 Comments

I am grieving appropriately. I am allowing myself to cry and the tears flow like waterfalls.

My youngest brother Robert left his body a few weeks ago after a year long losing battle with squamous cell skin cancer that went into his arm. The doctors could not save his arm and then within a short few months it appeared in his shoulder, and within months of that surgery it showed up in what was left of the bone of his arm…So, when it made its way to his lungs and showed signs of rapid growth I got worried. It was the fastest growing monster cancer. My brother “Bobby” not Robert to me, fought the good fight until the end. He left behind a devastated wife and two kids who adored him. I was lucky to have had him for a brother and I miss him tremendously. Even though we lived in two different states I knew he was there and he knew that I was here for him whenever he needed me. I have noticed that my grief feels different than when my parents died or when my son died. Bobby was my younger brother so that is a factor too. I guess it feels like he got ripped off big time because he should have had many more years. That is another story to be told later. He was born when I was eight and my oldest brother designated me to be Bobby’s caregiver. I tried my best to be there for him — in all ways.

Bobby was the musician of the family. He was a naturally gifted guitarist and then later fell in love with the bass. Next to his family making music was his life’s passion. A gentle soul…he never judged others and he never talked stink about anyone. He loved to laugh! Even though Bobby was experiencing terrible pain, struggling to breathe and the fear of dying he kept his sense of humor until the end. He cleared the room and then asked Lynette to video him using his cell phone. He had important messages for his family. First he told them to take care of his four-legged son Louie or he would haunt them. Then, he told his son Adrian which day to take out the trash and which day to put the recycling out. He had a few words of wisdom for his daughter Nici about relationships and loving words for his wife. He ended by saying to Lynette “and you, get a new ride!” We all laughed.

I am glad that I got to spend the better part of the last few weeks of Bobby’s life with him. Sometimes I was just there while he napped. We talked about Cory, my son, and his cancer journey and the end of his life. Bobby was in awe of Cory’s wisdom and strength. I was in awe of Bobby’s. We said our good-byes and then we waited for the cancer to claim him. We finished up our “business” and I have no regrets except one…I wish that once we became adults and got married, etc. that we would have spent more time together. Before Steve and I moved away, we only lived between 45 minutes to an hour away at times. Life happens. I get that but we could have made more of an effort than just the holidays. I remember feeling this way when Steve’s sister Annie died. She lived in Oregon and although it was only 4.5 hours away we didn’t see her enough either. I wish I would have thought it through better and seen it as a wake up call to spend more time with my brother. Whenever he was playing somewhere I tried to attend but that was being supportive…not spending time with him. Since his diagnosis we talked on the telephone more and texted too. It should have been more.

So, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one and are feeling like I did about not spending enough time with him or her, you might want to take the time to extend that thought out to the other important people in your life. Who are you not staying in touch with? What members of your family or which of your friends should you be making more effort to spend time with? Don’t set yourself up for regrets later.

I need to go work on my grieving and have a good “waterfall” from my heart and my eyes, so I will say good-bye until next post. Or as we say here in Hawaii, “A hui hou!”

Be well.

Shirley

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Comments

  1. cathy harmon says

    November 10, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Dear Sissy,
    I have been thinking about you alot especially since Bobby passed. I’ve been waiting for a convenient and appropriate time to call and talk to you. Even though you are a grief counselor, I know how sad your heart must be, Bobby was your baby brother and you two had a special bond and were so very close, the kind of closeness that time and distance doesn’t phase. While reading your blog I felt saddened and the next mement I chuckled about his comments and funny request Bobby had made on his video and I felt my heart lighten. By you writing about Bobby and speaking of his gentle spirit and his sense of humor til the very end, gives all who read an insight into who he was. Keep writing and sharing. I love you and you are always in my heart, Love Auntie Cathy

    Reply
    • Shirley Enebrad says

      November 12, 2014 at 9:57 pm

      Mahalo AC,

      It has been a rough few months. Nothing compared to what Bobby and his family went through. But, you know what I mean. Anyway, I am happy to be home and back at work.
      I have been meaning to call you too. Any news on your place in Kihei?

      I will call you. I am off the next three days.

      Much aloha,
      S

      Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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