Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Warning: “You can’t make sense out of irrational behavior”

Warning: “You can’t make sense out of irrational behavior”

April 25, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Have you ever met anyone who completely lacks depth? I mean the kind who one would describe as being as shallow as a dried up mud puddle or as barren as the desert? What about the poor people who are related to such one dimensional people?

When there is a death in the family it is shocking sometimes to see what can happen. Already strained relationships often get worse. Unfortunately, rather than becoming closer many families split even farther apart. Jealous feelings rooted in childhood competition can be unleashed because grief can dissolve a person’s ability or desire to keep such emotions in check. It might be because the person who died was the glue who kept everything together and everyone on his or her best behavior. There are probably reasons we cannot even fathom or understand. On the other hand, I am convinced that healthier families might not go through such negative experiences. Lucky them but for today’s blog post I am talking about the unhealthy ones.

Dealing with grievers for as many years as I have has made me privy to some unbelievable stories about poor sibling behavior, bad stepparents, surviving parents who blew their kids’ minds and inheritances. It is so sad for everyone involved. I have heard of adult children upset because within weeks of their mother’s death their dad was proposing to the neighbor. Underage children whose stepmother kicked them out of the family home immediately after their father died. My friend Luerachelle told me yesterday, “You cannot make sense out of irrational behavior….” So true.

It seems as if there is often at least one person in the family who behaves badly and it is usually tied to money or possessions. I remember when my grandfather crossed over the rainbow bridge and my aunt treated my mother with contempt. The behavior worked though because my mom was so mortified by the venomous things my aunt claimed my grandfather had said about her that mom immediately signed over her share of the estate. My mother told me that she knew that her sister was lying. She also felt that if her sister wanted the money that much then she would rather just give it to her. My mom was grieving the loss of her dad and she knew that his property and money wouldn’t bring him back. I was pretty upset with my aunt but awed by the grace of my mother. Of course my aunt knew how to play my mom. It didn’t make her any happier though. She eventually died alone after living the last years of her life driving everyone away by her rude behavior. In my immediate family when my parents died there was some infighting and dirty dealings too. At the end of it all we made up but it took several years. I don’t believe that every family can make it back from the brink after feelings are hurt and ties are broken. I hope that if you are going through anything even close to these examples that you remember what is important, family– love — and respect…and as my friend Luerachelle pointed out when faced with people whose souls are as barren as a desert “you cannot make sense out of irrational behavior and sometimes you just have to walk away.” Great advice and I am lucky that I can always fall back on my mother’s example of the true meaning of grace.

Be well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This is a must read for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.. It is a quick read and knowing that the author has dealt with loss helps you to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we all deal in our own ways. I have read this book three times so far and each time I find something new to help me with the loss of my granddaughter. I will continue to read over and over again and I plan to purchase this book for any friend or family going through this process!
Barb Bottman, Snohomish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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