Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Warning: “You can’t make sense out of irrational behavior”

Warning: “You can’t make sense out of irrational behavior”

April 25, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Have you ever met anyone who completely lacks depth? I mean the kind who one would describe as being as shallow as a dried up mud puddle or as barren as the desert? What about the poor people who are related to such one dimensional people?

When there is a death in the family it is shocking sometimes to see what can happen. Already strained relationships often get worse. Unfortunately, rather than becoming closer many families split even farther apart. Jealous feelings rooted in childhood competition can be unleashed because grief can dissolve a person’s ability or desire to keep such emotions in check. It might be because the person who died was the glue who kept everything together and everyone on his or her best behavior. There are probably reasons we cannot even fathom or understand. On the other hand, I am convinced that healthier families might not go through such negative experiences. Lucky them but for today’s blog post I am talking about the unhealthy ones.

Dealing with grievers for as many years as I have has made me privy to some unbelievable stories about poor sibling behavior, bad stepparents, surviving parents who blew their kids’ minds and inheritances. It is so sad for everyone involved. I have heard of adult children upset because within weeks of their mother’s death their dad was proposing to the neighbor. Underage children whose stepmother kicked them out of the family home immediately after their father died. My friend Luerachelle told me yesterday, “You cannot make sense out of irrational behavior….” So true.

It seems as if there is often at least one person in the family who behaves badly and it is usually tied to money or possessions. I remember when my grandfather crossed over the rainbow bridge and my aunt treated my mother with contempt. The behavior worked though because my mom was so mortified by the venomous things my aunt claimed my grandfather had said about her that mom immediately signed over her share of the estate. My mother told me that she knew that her sister was lying. She also felt that if her sister wanted the money that much then she would rather just give it to her. My mom was grieving the loss of her dad and she knew that his property and money wouldn’t bring him back. I was pretty upset with my aunt but awed by the grace of my mother. Of course my aunt knew how to play my mom. It didn’t make her any happier though. She eventually died alone after living the last years of her life driving everyone away by her rude behavior. In my immediate family when my parents died there was some infighting and dirty dealings too. At the end of it all we made up but it took several years. I don’t believe that every family can make it back from the brink after feelings are hurt and ties are broken. I hope that if you are going through anything even close to these examples that you remember what is important, family– love — and respect…and as my friend Luerachelle pointed out when faced with people whose souls are as barren as a desert “you cannot make sense out of irrational behavior and sometimes you just have to walk away.” Great advice and I am lucky that I can always fall back on my mother’s example of the true meaning of grace.

Be well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

Having dealt with the loss of my son, I can totally relate to this book. While reading it, I found myself reflecting back to the “stupid” things that people said to me when I was in the throes of so much pain that I couldn’t see past the very next second. I am comforted by Shirley’s words which are down to earth and easily understood. This book WILL help you if you let it. It is a quick read and is one of the things that I like most about it. Grief is a lifelong journey that changes over time so take care of your heart and read this book. It is… Read more
April Braykovich (Kirkland, WA) (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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This is a must read for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.. It is a quick read and knowing that the author has dealt with loss helps you to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we all deal in our own ways. I have read this book three times so far and each time I find something new to help me with the loss of my granddaughter. I will continue to read over and over again and I plan to purchase this book for any friend or family going through this process!
Barb Bottman, Snohomish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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