Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

  • Home
  • Services
  • About
  • Workshops
  • Blog
  • In the News
  • Contact
Traditions – One step at a time

Traditions – One step at a time

August 24, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Dealing with family traditions can take one step at a time.

Many families have traditions especially around holidays. Some go caroling or host tree trimming parties at Christmas. Some feed the hungry at Thanksgiving. My family always made a big deal out of costumes and we usually had a party on Halloween. It was my son Cory’s favorite holiday and it meant a lot to continue the tradition after he died. It wasn’t easy but it felt necessary for a good many years. My dear friend Judy wrote this beautiful example of one family’s tradition and how hard it is to carry on after a loved one dies.

“Sometime along the years, making ice cream became a highlight on the Fourth of July. And soon enough it was absolutely necessary to eat homemade ice cream while watching the fireworks. It was tradition! So…what do you do when some of the traditions were started or favored by a person who has passed? This year on the Fourth we kept up with traditions as best we could for Michael’s sake. He was big on tradition and it was he who made sure all the ingredients for the ice cream were on hand. One year the ice cream maker stopped working part way through a batch, and he went right out to buy a new one. This year I was out on the back steps with bags of ice, rock salt and an ice cream maker whirring away, trying my level best to keep up with traditions while sobbing and missing Michael more than ever. Our son Patrick usually puts on the fireworks show and he did a great job of it. But instead of saving the best for last, the “grand finale”, he told us there would be a red one and then a blue one and then we’d call it a night. Many fireworks are left for next year. He did all he could do. And we were fine with that. So…I learned from this that we don’t HAVE to do things the same way every single time to demonstrate what? Our commitment to family traditions? Our respect and love for the one who isn’t with us anymore? Habit? Shirley, maybe for us it was simply too soon. Maybe this was a good baby step to getting back into it. Are we failing to give our love and respect to the dead if we give up or alter the traditions they loved? Do we need to ease into it? Does it really matter? Maybe some things are meant to change, but it would be nice to figure out a way to incorporate the old with the new.”

Judy and her family did what was best for them. I applaud their sense of commitment and listening to their inner voice about creating a boundary to protect themselves. Especially Patrick who knew when to pull back.

What does your family do about traditions? Mine like Judy’s scaled back and eased into a new normal. There was enough to keep the tradition alive and well in honor of Cory’s love for Halloween but not so much that it was overwhelming. Years later, it turned out to be one of my youngest daughter’s favorite holidays too. We hosted the parties and it was fun again. She is in her mid-twenties now and still loves Halloween and costumes. I love to see each year what she comes up with. I guess it became easier and more fun again for me because Keili was enjoying Halloween almost as much as her brother. Although, I have to admit that after all these years I still get teary over Easter egg dying though.

So, if you just ask yourself the same questions Judy did…you will find a balance. There is no right or wrong answer. And please do not drive yourself crazy trying to keep traditions exactly the same too soon…or in some cases maybe ever. It is entirely up to you…just think of it as going up the stairs…one step at a time.

Be well.

Blog

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to receive blog posts via email

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

Reviews & Testimonials

This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>
Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
Read all Reviews & Testimonials >>

Copyright © 2023 · Shirley Enebrad · Website Customization by Cascade ValleyDesigns

Copyright © 2023 · Going Green Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in