Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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There is good grief

There is good grief

August 12, 2017 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

I am reminded of a young boy named Komake as I sit on my front deck watching the palm trees sway. He was born on Oahu so his folks gave him a Hawaiian name. We met in Washington but Komake was part of the aina (the land) of where he was born. Beautiful mountains, valleys and sea cliffs surrounded by the ocean.

He was a sweet little boy with a brain tumor. I met him by chance one day when I was at Children’s Hospital. He had a swollen little face that looked as if the cause was some type of medication. And, he was in a wheelchair. He looked very much younger than his true age. I was there to see someone else but he caught my attention because he was alone in the hallway looking distressed. I stopped to see if I could help. He told me that his roommate had been mean to him. Because of his age, Komake was 10 years old at the time, he was on a floor that was not cancer specific. His roommate was 15 or 16 and was there for knee surgery. Completely different realms, right? Well, the self-absorbed teenager was playing his music very loudly and Komake asked if he could turn it down because it was hurting his head. The teenager started yelling and cursing at the poor little guy. It turns out that this little boy was very religious and was not accustomed to such language.

Komake’s family lived about 65 miles away from Children’s and were not there at this time. He had two younger sisters at home with mom so she had to divide her time and attention. After hearing his story, I told Komake to wait and I would go ask the nurse if he could change rooms. I went to nurses’ station and waited and waited to no avail. I walked the length of the hallway and saw several rooms that had open beds. I went with Komake to gather what little he had and moved him. Once he was comfortable, I went back to the nurses’ station and waited some more. Finally, a nurse came and I told her that Komake was now in a different room and why. She was very understanding. I expected a big lecture but she was supportive.

We became friends and even when it was time for Komake to go home I went to visit. The doctors’ said they could not help him any longer. He and I talked about that several times. He didn’t want to upset his mother with the truth of what was happening to his body, so I encouraged him to talk to me about his feelings, fears, etc. The week he died, he asked me to help his mom and sisters. I readily agreed and we were there for the funeral. A month or so later, I was able to let his mother know that he had protected her up until the end. We cried together and I told her that her grief was healthy. I mean, she rolled with it and didn’t try to ignore how she was feeling. She encouraged her daughters to do the same.

After a time, Komake’s mom told me that she was going to apply for several state government jobs. She had been out of the workforce for a number of years. Luckily, we were the same size and I had changed professions and was no longer in need of suits and professional clothes. I am happy to say, Komake’s mom got the job. Fairly soon after, we moved to NC so my husband could attend graduate school. We lost contact. I was left to wonder.

For years I have thought of that sweet little boy and hoped his family fared well after his death. Just a few days ago I received an email from his mom telling me that they are doing fabulously. Komake has a namesake nephew. It made my heart sing to learn that they not just survived but continue to thrive. Komake is their guiding light. There is such a thing as good grief.

Be well,
Shirley

Blog, Grief, Life and Living

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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