Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Tell your truth

Tell your truth

November 12, 2015 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Does anyone ever know what is going on inside another? I met a woman a few years back who told me that she had been married to man for 20+ years and didn’t really know him. After he broke her heart via a variety of deceptions she was walking on the beach with one of his long time friends and the friend asked “Does anyone really know _____?” I believe her ex was known as a sociopath. He hid every emotion he was capable of from her and the world.

I think that people who are depressed and hurting inside do that too. They don’t do it maliciously necessarily. My theory is they just don’t have the energy to cope with reality so they pretend to be happy, interested, emotionally well, etc. That can be so isolating.

What about you? Do you show the world who you really are? When you are grieving do you smile and say “I’m fine” when people ask how you are doing? And inside you are not fine—you are anything but fine. But, you don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable so you don’t tell them how raw and filled with pain, anger, regret, guilt you might be feeling.
And for those who ask—- do you really want to know the true answer or are you just being polite? I know that when my son was terminally ill and people at the hospital would ask how I was doing I told them the unvarnished truth…sometimes with the use of a few really bad cuss words that start with S and F. Most of them stopped asking. That wasn’t my intention. I was just taught to tell the truth when asked a question. Besides, I find it healthier to talk about emotions.

I found out a week ago that a dear friend of mine died. He was only 52. I don’t know how or why or what happened but I think of him as I write this today. He was funny, quirky and had sarcasm down to an art. He was kind, generous, thoughtful and loving. His wife and daughters were the center of his universe. There was so much goodness that flowed from him to the world around him. I miss him and miss knowing that I could always pick up the phone and call him if I wanted to laugh. I wonder now if he was hurting and didn’t show it. Was he struggling and too polite to talk about it? My regret is that I meant to call him when I got to the mainland because daylight savings had just started and it was always hard to call from Hawaii to the East Coast because of the time zones. I just want to be grateful for knowing him but my sadness keeps getting in the way. You were one of the best people I had the privilege to know and I will always cherish the fun and friendship we shared. R.I.P. Scott Newman.

Please open up and talk to someone about how you are feeling. Don’t worry about the other person’s comfort. Get your truth out there and learn how to put yourself first. Take care of you. If you don’t have someone to confide in go find a counselor/therapist/life coach…someone who is good at listening. There are a lot of places that have a sliding fee. Be truthful with yourself and others.

Be well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

Having dealt with the loss of my son, I can totally relate to this book. While reading it, I found myself reflecting back to the “stupid” things that people said to me when I was in the throes of so much pain that I couldn’t see past the very next second. I am comforted by Shirley’s words which are down to earth and easily understood. This book WILL help you if you let it. It is a quick read and is one of the things that I like most about it. Grief is a lifelong journey that changes over time so take care of your heart and read this book. It is… Read more
April Braykovich (Kirkland, WA) (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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This is a must read for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.. It is a quick read and knowing that the author has dealt with loss helps you to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we all deal in our own ways. I have read this book three times so far and each time I find something new to help me with the loss of my granddaughter. I will continue to read over and over again and I plan to purchase this book for any friend or family going through this process!
Barb Bottman, Snohomish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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