Does anyone ever know what is going on inside another? I met a woman a few years back who told me that she had been married to man for 20+ years and didn’t really know him. After he broke her heart via a variety of deceptions she was walking on the beach with one of his long time friends and the friend asked “Does anyone really know _____?” I believe her ex was known as a sociopath. He hid every emotion he was capable of from her and the world.
I think that people who are depressed and hurting inside do that too. They don’t do it maliciously necessarily. My theory is they just don’t have the energy to cope with reality so they pretend to be happy, interested, emotionally well, etc. That can be so isolating.
What about you? Do you show the world who you really are? When you are grieving do you smile and say “I’m fine” when people ask how you are doing? And inside you are not fine—you are anything but fine. But, you don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable so you don’t tell them how raw and filled with pain, anger, regret, guilt you might be feeling.
And for those who ask—- do you really want to know the true answer or are you just being polite? I know that when my son was terminally ill and people at the hospital would ask how I was doing I told them the unvarnished truth…sometimes with the use of a few really bad cuss words that start with S and F. Most of them stopped asking. That wasn’t my intention. I was just taught to tell the truth when asked a question. Besides, I find it healthier to talk about emotions.
I found out a week ago that a dear friend of mine died. He was only 52. I don’t know how or why or what happened but I think of him as I write this today. He was funny, quirky and had sarcasm down to an art. He was kind, generous, thoughtful and loving. His wife and daughters were the center of his universe. There was so much goodness that flowed from him to the world around him. I miss him and miss knowing that I could always pick up the phone and call him if I wanted to laugh. I wonder now if he was hurting and didn’t show it. Was he struggling and too polite to talk about it? My regret is that I meant to call him when I got to the mainland because daylight savings had just started and it was always hard to call from Hawaii to the East Coast because of the time zones. I just want to be grateful for knowing him but my sadness keeps getting in the way. You were one of the best people I had the privilege to know and I will always cherish the fun and friendship we shared. R.I.P. Scott Newman.
Please open up and talk to someone about how you are feeling. Don’t worry about the other person’s comfort. Get your truth out there and learn how to put yourself first. Take care of you. If you don’t have someone to confide in go find a counselor/therapist/life coach…someone who is good at listening. There are a lot of places that have a sliding fee. Be truthful with yourself and others.