Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Support wires…

Support wires…

March 26, 2015 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

It is fascinating to see bridges that are basically made of wire provide the necessary support to heavy vehicles that constantly cross over it…especially since the bridge is made of heavy concrete too. Grief support feels like that sometimes.

“There is no sadness without great love.” My son’s birthday was last week. It is strange but true that I miss him more now than ever. I always think of what he would have been like as a young man had he survived. What would he be doing with his life? How would he have changed the world by staying? I know that my life and my daughter Brie’s life would be radically different.

After I posted a birthday greeting for him on FB and it was so great to get so many messages from people who knew him and even those who only knew him through my book, “Over the Rainbow Bridge.” It did my heart a world of good.

I was talking to my mother-in-law last night and she mentioned Cory’s birthday. Then, we talked about how she feels now ten years after her daughter Anne, my husband’s only sibling died. We both agreed that the depth of sadness that we feel as moms who have outlived our kids would not be possible without great love. Nancy, my mom-in-law mentioned the pangs of pain she still gets now and then. I told her that it has been even longer for me and honestly, those pangs don’t go away. Time doesn’t change the big hole in your heart. You just learn to live with that imperfect heart. I know that doesn’t sound very supportive but it is. There is no way to sugar coat the experience so fair warned is much better.

We each deal with loss and grief differently. You can talk about it and get some insight but each of us feels and reacts to pain differently too. When you go through losses it brings up issues from previous deaths. My brother’s and my cousin’s death so close to each other made me think of how fast time flies as we get older. I am supportive but the pain of their children and spouses is very hard to witness. My heart aches for my sister-in-law, my cousin John’s wife Jeanne and all of the kids. My son’s death made me think of lost potential, how unfair life can be and all the things Cory was not able to experience. His sister struggled with her grief throughout her life. My parents’ deaths made me think of my childhood and how hard it is to raise a healthy family…and how I wished I could have been a better daughter and much more patient. The list can go on forever I suppose.

I really hate cancer. But, then I foolishly watched some news during my lunch break today. I was horrified by the story about the pilot who intentionally crashed the plan into the French Alps killing 150 innocent people…many children. I feel so sad for the families. The victims were minding their own business and out of no where this obviously disturbed individual who probably has grief stricken parents too, decided to end their lives. I cannot make sense of that anymore than I can of why some people get cancer and others don’t…some survive others don’t. It also made me think of my dear friend Bill who was doing his job and suddenly died when the helicopter he was on crashed right outside the TV station. No, I cannot wrap my head around it but it’s only been a year.

This is a roundabout lesson in knowing that life can be filled with pain sometimes and we just have to be strong and comfort ourselves with happy memories of our time spent with those who left us too soon. They wouldn’t want us to dwell on the sadness. Please try to act like one of those amazing bridge wires and support one another and share your happy memories with aloha.

Be well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Having dealt with the loss of my son, I can totally relate to this book. While reading it, I found myself reflecting back to the “stupid” things that people said to me when I was in the throes of so much pain that I couldn’t see past the very next second. I am comforted by Shirley’s words which are down to earth and easily understood. This book WILL help you if you let it. It is a quick read and is one of the things that I like most about it. Grief is a lifelong journey that changes over time so take care of your heart and read this book. It is… Read more
April Braykovich (Kirkland, WA) (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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