When I used to help facilitate grief workshops for children and teens one of the first questions on our registration form asked if the child attendee had ever experienced the death of a pet. Some parents were startled or perturbed by this question. One mom corned me at check-in and wanted to know what the deal was since her child was there because his or her grandparent had died…an actual person NOT a dog or cat. She actually said that last part with a snarl. I tried to explain that every loss is significant and that usually kids’ first experience with death and loss is a pet.
Any pet owner can tell you that pets are very important to those who love them and care for them. We get the love back from a beloved dog, cat, hamster or turtle. Sheesh! Some people even love snakes! Well, it really doesn’t matter what species the pet is because as far as most owners go– pets are just as much a part of the family as the people members.
Some pets live a good many years too. My husband’s family cat Matilda was 19 years old when she died. It was devastating for him, his parents and his sister. Sure, if you have lost a child it might sound silly and insignificant by comparison but honestly that cat had seen his family through many trials.
You shouldn’t begrudge people who are mourning the loss of their pet. Our cat got cancer and we had to put her down. It was really hard. She was only 11 and had been extremely healthy up until she wasn’t one day. We felt badly that we didn’t take the time to grieve the loss of Purr Purr because it happened right when my sister-in-law was losing her battle with cancer too. So, we delayed our grief for Purr Purr and faced Anne’s impending death instead. But don’t get me wrong…the grief did not go away. We just put it in a jar and placed it on a shelf to deal with later.
When our dog Alani was ready to leave her earthly body I have to admit that we just couldn’t handle the idea of another loss so we kept her alive for several months with pain meds. The meds allowed her to walk and enjoy the outdoors and our company while longer. Finally, I had to convince my husband that it was time to let her cross over the rainbow bridge because it wasn’t fair to Alani. Her quality of life was not what she deserved so we called the girls and told them that we had made arrangements for the vet to come to our house so that Alani could be put to sleep peacefully at home.
When the day came, it was a glorious sunny spring day in May. We put a blanket on the lawn and sat with Alani petting her for hours before the vet was scheduled to come over. I could see in her eyes that she knew it was her time. This dog was the sweetest most patient member of our family. The vet was wonderful with her and with all of us. We all sat and talked quietly and he kept rubbing Alani’s arm so she wouldn’t be afraid when he gave her the calming down shot. He had to shave a little tiny spot on her forearm. He didn’t rush it and we appreciated that so much. He was kind to Alani and we loved that. When he finally asked if we were ready we all burst into tears. He let us compose ourselves first. Then, he gave her the second shot. She closed her eyes and went peacefully to sleep. We all started bawling again. Steve buried her in our back yard. We planted a beautiful azalea bush on the site and I put an angel statue in that corner as well.
A year or so later I wanted to get another dog but my sweet husband had not arrived at the place where he could handle the idea of another pet dying someday. So, we waited. We talked about Alani, Purr Purr and his sister Anne’s deaths and decided to wait a bit longer. Grief is grief…doesn’t matter the species. If you love – you will hurt when he or she is no longer with you in a physical body.
When your pet isn’t doing well physically it is very important to include the whole family in the discussion about what options you have. If you have small children it will help them if they understand why and how the end will be handled. Let your child take photos of their beloved pet. Or take as many photos of your kids playing with your pets so that some day when the time comes you can create an album or a memory box together. After the death give your child or children the freedom to plan a memorial of some kind. Do what we did and plant a bush or tree to honor the beloved pet.
Never underestimate how important a dog, cat, rabbit or other kind of pet is to others. Pets are family too. If you know someone who has experienced a pet death please be kind and respect that he or she is grieving. Be supportive. If it is you that is grieving – express how you feel and ask for help if it is needed.
Be Well,
Shirley
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