Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Pets Are Family Too

Pets Are Family Too

June 27, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

When I used to help facilitate grief workshops for children and teens one of the first questions on our registration form asked if the child attendee had ever experienced the death of a pet. Some parents were startled or perturbed by this question. One mom corned me at check-in and wanted to know what the deal was since her child was there because his or her grandparent had died…an actual person NOT a dog or cat. She actually said that last part with a snarl. I tried to explain that every loss is significant and that usually kids’ first experience with death and loss is a pet.

Any pet owner can tell you that pets are very important to those who love them and care for them. We get the love back from a beloved dog, cat, hamster or turtle. Sheesh! Some people even love snakes! Well, it really doesn’t matter what species the pet is because as far as most owners go– pets are just as much a part of the family as the people members.

Some pets live a good many years too. My husband’s family cat Matilda was 19 years old when she died. It was devastating for him, his parents and his sister. Sure, if you have lost a child it might sound silly and insignificant by comparison but honestly that cat had seen his family through many trials.

You shouldn’t begrudge people who are mourning the loss of their pet. Our cat got cancer and we had to put her down. It was really hard. She was only 11 and had been extremely healthy up until she wasn’t one day. We felt badly that we didn’t take the time to grieve the loss of Purr Purr because it happened right when my sister-in-law was losing her battle with cancer too. So, we delayed our grief for Purr Purr and faced Anne’s impending death instead. But don’t get me wrong…the grief did not go away. We just put it in a jar and placed it on a shelf to deal with later.

When our dog Alani was ready to leave her earthly body I have to admit that we just couldn’t handle the idea of another loss so we kept her alive for several months with pain meds. The meds allowed her to walk and enjoy the outdoors and our company while longer. Finally, I had to convince my husband that it was time to let her cross over the rainbow bridge because it wasn’t fair to Alani. Her quality of life was not what she deserved so we called the girls and told them that we had made arrangements for the vet to come to our house so that Alani could be put to sleep peacefully at home.

When the day came, it was a glorious sunny spring day in May. We put a blanket on the lawn and sat with Alani petting her for hours before the vet was scheduled to come over. I could see in her eyes that she knew it was her time. This dog was the sweetest most patient member of our family. The vet was wonderful with her and with all of us. We all sat and talked quietly and he kept rubbing Alani’s arm so she wouldn’t be afraid when he gave her the calming down shot. He had to shave a little tiny spot on her forearm. He didn’t rush it and we appreciated that so much. He was kind to Alani and we loved that. When he finally asked if we were ready we all burst into tears. He let us compose ourselves first. Then, he gave her the second shot. She closed her eyes and went peacefully to sleep. We all started bawling again. Steve buried her in our back yard. We planted a beautiful azalea bush on the site and I put an angel statue in that corner as well.

A year or so later I wanted to get another dog but my sweet husband had not arrived at the place where he could handle the idea of another pet dying someday. So, we waited. We talked about Alani, Purr Purr and his sister Anne’s deaths and decided to wait a bit longer. Grief is grief…doesn’t matter the species. If you love – you will hurt when he or she is no longer with you in a physical body.

When your pet isn’t doing well physically it is very important to include the whole family in the discussion about what options you have. If you have small children it will help them if they understand why and how the end will be handled. Let your child take photos of their beloved pet. Or take as many photos of your kids playing with your pets so that some day when the time comes you can create an album or a memory box together. After the death give your child or children the freedom to plan a memorial of some kind. Do what we did and plant a bush or tree to honor the beloved pet.

Never underestimate how important a dog, cat, rabbit or other kind of pet is to others. Pets are family too. If you know someone who has experienced a pet death please be kind and respect that he or she is grieving. Be supportive. If it is you that is grieving – express how you feel and ask for help if it is needed.

Be Well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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