Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Moving on?

Moving on?

January 7, 2020 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

When grievers are told that they should be “moving on”, what exactly does that mean? It was the topic of intense consternation for one of my clients recently. The first anniversary of her husband’s sudden death just passed. Seemingly intelligent people that she thought cared about and understood her asked, “Are you ready to start dating again?” Or said things such as; “Don’t you think it is time to move on?”  Moving on and getting on with your life are not the same things to those grieving the death of a loved one. A person can get on with living but choose not to “move on” from the loss of whoever died. Grief is individualized. You can take two people who experienced the death of their spouses at the exact same time, the same point in their relationship, from the same cause and each, will have completely different ways of coping with his or her feelings. They will not have the same depth of feelings. They will not heal at the same pace. They will not have the same experience. That is because the way we each deal with grief has been shaped by our lifetime of exposure and reaction to a death. So, if you have not witnessed the horror of watching your spouse die while you felt helpless and hopelessly out of control do NOT presume to tell anyone else how he or she should feel or live. It is not helpful and will likely get you cussed out, punched in the face or unfriended at the very least. Be there for the griever. Tell him or her, I want to help you. Let me help you. I am here to help, to listen, to hold your hand in silence. Please do NOT make the griever’s painful experience about you. Do NOT say, “I miss him too.” “I loved her too.” “Call me if you need help.” Grievers don’t want to hear how the worst thing that has ever happened to him or her affects you. He or she is in the trenches and trying to survive. He or she will not have the energy to call you to ask for help. They won’t be able to reach out. So, if you truly care about a person who just had death destroy his or her plans for a future with the one who died, stay in touch. Check on him or her. Do not go silent and wait for the griever to reach out to you. He or she will see and feel your lack of contact as abandonment at the time he or she needs your support the most. Be a rock. Be there. Stand strong.

Be well,

Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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