Living on the edge of despair is common for grievers. It doesn’t matter how your child dies whether from an accident, disease or murder you feel as if your heart is ripped out of your chest, stomped on a million times, torn to shreds, and what’s left is shoved back in. But, healing is possible if you can make some sense out of what you are experiencing. If you can make your child’s life count for something good afterward it can help tremendously.
Many people decide to help others going through similar circumstances. How many victims’ advocates were victims themselves or closely related to a victim of a vicious crime? How many Child Life Specialists, nurses, social workers, and therapists had a child or loved one endure unspeakable suffering and die from a lingering disease? How many parents whose child was killed in an accident have started grief groups? Grief changes you. Sometimes it spurs you on to do great things. Some folks are irreparably broken. Most though just need time and support to get through to the other side of your grief.
What if your child is murdered and then you are re-victimized by the legal system? There are not enough places to go for help in that situation. The perpetrators often get all the protection provided by the system while the victim and his or her family members are treated as if they are just a means to an end and nothing more. It sure makes it harder to grieve when you are angry and made to feel helpless.
Finding your voice and speaking out against such treatment is brave. My friend Kimberlyn Scott is courageous. She doesn’t think so, but I am here to tell you, she gets knocked down and gets right back up. She wants to change the laws in our state to give victims equal protection from the legal system. The one she thought was looking out for her family’s best interests and seeking justice for her murdered pregnant daughter. The very system and its representatives who refused to give her answers as to why they were not charging the alleged perpetrator for all of the crimes he committed against her beloved daughter and not yet born grandchild. Yes, Kimberlyn Scott wants to change things so others are not victimized the same way she has been. She is soft and strong at the same time. I know she will follow through and make good things happen. I support you Kimberlyn and I salute you too.
It is disturbing to find out there are so many rights given to the perps and none to victims. Some states do a better job at this than ours, but at least 15 states do not have laws protecting victims. We need to get this changed. There are laws to protect prosecutors too, even if they deliberately do something terrible or are merely incompetent…What do you think about that? I personally think it will never get changed, but maybe we should look into ways of making the prosecutors who aren’t getting their jobs done, more responsible.
Let’s get on board and stop victims from being brutalized by those who should be their allies and advocates. If enough voices are heard along with Kimberlyn Scott’s we can and should help those living on the edge.
Be well.
I am extremely grateful for your willingness to step out and help people like me Shirley. There are way too many of us out here and sadly, the majority are so torn asunder by the crime itself, that the lack of respect, the lack of notification of trial dates, release dates, the lack of input allowed by a defendant focused system into any part of the criminal justice system becomes just another variety of abuse with the primary alteration being WHO is committing said abuse.
You exchange one abuser for another in many cases.
I have much to say on this topic as you know, (smiles), and I will keep working towards a criminal justice system that acknowledges victims and works with them where possible and where impossible, respectful understanding and compassion should be the order of the day.
For those who read your blog, I encourage you to look for my facebook page- Kimberlyn Scott and find ways to help our cause.
Please remember, victims don’t CHOOSE to be victimized. And they come from Every walk of life. Victims can be ANYONE.
They require protection from their states in the form of a Constitutional Amendment.
Our Constitution has 4 amendments for the accused. NOT ONE amendment to protect victims.
I think its time to address this issue.
In the state of Hawaii there are approximately just over 3000 violent crimes per year. If you extrapolate from there, as researchers have explained, there are about 10 people gravely affected by the crime besides the actual victim.
The numbers start to add up.
BEFORE you are victimized take a stand and protect yourself, your community and your loved ones.
Demand a constitutional right from your legislators…
Amene sistah friend!