Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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“Life is as fragile as a spider’s web…”

“Life is as fragile as a spider’s web…”

May 30, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad 2 Comments

Life is as fragile as a spider’s web. Web-like threads woven into the fabric of our lives connecting each of us to others. Sadness ensues when those threads fray or break.

Another dear friend of mine died yesterday. He had been taken off of life support a week ago. This past week has been one of reflection and anticipatory grief. Waiting for the sad news wasn’t easy. When faced with the knowledge that the clock is not only ticking but winding down it is normal to reminisce about the person who is dying. In the case of my friend Ken Schram there were so many threads – so many memories mostly hilarious and a few unbelievable as he was the most irreverent (always), irascible (indeed), irritating (often) yet brilliant guy I have ever worked with. He hosted the Town Meeting program, a TV show I produced for years. He was one of my all-time favorites…his exterior was tough but his insides sweet and gooey. Schram loved to play pranks and push the limits. He was actually very entertaining to observe as long you weren’t the butt of his joke or prank and even then it was still funny. As a producer, I spent a lot of my time and effort reigning him in but he made work fun and always an adventure. He loved his family endlessly and it was funny to see this rascal completely tamed by the presence of his wife or kids. He was definitely multifaceted. I miss him already.

The fact that Ken’s death came right on the heels of Bill Strothman’s tragic helicopter crash makes the pain of losing both of them magnified. There are some differences though not significant. When someone dies unexpectedly it is often said that part of the hurt is not being able to say a proper “good-bye”. When you know that a loved one is dying there is the opportunity to strive for closure. This whole week I have been thinking about when my son Cory died after five and a half years of cancer treatment I had been confronted by several mothers whose children died from SIDS or by accident and they felt that their pain was worse than mine because I at least had been able to say good-bye. I can remember to this day how taken aback I was by their harsh accusatory words. My response was that it isn’t easy to watch a child die one centimeter at a time either and that no good comes from comparing grief. Dead is dead and gone is gone…sad is sad. No matter how your loved one died there will be regrets, woulda-shoulda-couldas, if onlys, and more. Don’t lose focus on healthy grieving. Celebrate your loved one’s life. Good memories can sustain you. If you need help reach out.

In the case of Ken and Bill they both had so many people whose lives intertwined with theirs… they touched so many people who loved them. I have seen so much written on Facebook about each one of them. That appears to be a positive way to process grief. There is strength is numbers so use the web that connects you to others who are grieving too.

Be well.
Shirley

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Comments

  1. Judy Driggers says

    May 30, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Shirley, what a great tribute to a great guy. I loved watching Town Meeting. It is strange to lose another KOMO talent. We have also lost another close family member, so that makes four in one year. My brother lost a son, I lost a son, and now a sister lost her son the day after Mother’s Day. My youngest sister died in February. The three cousins who died (mine and my siblings children) were all males in the prime of their lives, between the age of 34 and 39. What I liked best about your post is your comment about comparing grief. Who can say if one person’s grief is worse than another’s? They may differ in some ways, but for anyone grief is the hardest work you will ever do.

    Reply
    • Shirley Enebrad says

      May 30, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      Judy, I am so sorry for all of the recent losses that your family has had to endure. I am glad that my blog has been helpful to you and others. Please let me know if there are any topics you would like to see here. Take care and never feel that you are alone. Warmest Aloha, Shirley

      Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Anyone going through the grieving process would benefit from this quick read. Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief is filled with keen insight and wisdom from the author who lost her own son, and through her own grieving process decided to become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. In her quest to help others, Enebrad shows tremendous courage and transparency in dealing with her own grief to help others going through the grieving process. Beautifully done.
Lonnie Pacelli "The Project Management Advisor", Bellevue, WA
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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