“Life is as fragile as a spider’s web…”

Life is as fragile as a spider’s web. Web-like threads woven into the fabric of our lives connecting each of us to others. Sadness ensues when those threads fray or break.

Another dear friend of mine died yesterday. He had been taken off of life support a week ago. This past week has been one of reflection and anticipatory grief. Waiting for the sad news wasn’t easy. When faced with the knowledge that the clock is not only ticking but winding down it is normal to reminisce about the person who is dying. In the case of my friend Ken Schram there were so many threads – so many memories mostly hilarious and a few unbelievable as he was the most irreverent (always), irascible (indeed), irritating (often) yet brilliant guy I have ever worked with. He hosted the Town Meeting program, a TV show I produced for years. He was one of my all-time favorites…his exterior was tough but his insides sweet and gooey. Schram loved to play pranks and push the limits. He was actually very entertaining to observe as long you weren’t the butt of his joke or prank and even then it was still funny. As a producer, I spent a lot of my time and effort reigning him in but he made work fun and always an adventure. He loved his family endlessly and it was funny to see this rascal completely tamed by the presence of his wife or kids. He was definitely multifaceted. I miss him already.

The fact that Ken’s death came right on the heels of Bill Strothman’s tragic helicopter crash makes the pain of losing both of them magnified. There are some differences though not significant. When someone dies unexpectedly it is often said that part of the hurt is not being able to say a proper “good-bye”. When you know that a loved one is dying there is the opportunity to strive for closure. This whole week I have been thinking about when my son Cory died after five and a half years of cancer treatment I had been confronted by several mothers whose children died from SIDS or by accident and they felt that their pain was worse than mine because I at least had been able to say good-bye. I can remember to this day how taken aback I was by their harsh accusatory words. My response was that it isn’t easy to watch a child die one centimeter at a time either and that no good comes from comparing grief. Dead is dead and gone is gone…sad is sad. No matter how your loved one died there will be regrets, woulda-shoulda-couldas, if onlys, and more. Don’t lose focus on healthy grieving. Celebrate your loved one’s life. Good memories can sustain you. If you need help reach out.

In the case of Ken and Bill they both had so many people whose lives intertwined with theirs… they touched so many people who loved them. I have seen so much written on Facebook about each one of them. That appears to be a positive way to process grief. There is strength is numbers so use the web that connects you to others who are grieving too.

Be well.
Shirley