Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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“…life in black and white for awhile.”

“…life in black and white for awhile.”

April 4, 2014 by Shirley Enebrad 2 Comments

When someone we care about dies you might see life in black and white for a while. The color goes out of our lives in times of loss. For most people it comes back eventually.  Don’t despair you will see the full spectrum of colors in time.

Almost a week has gone by since I was sitting in a Lutheran church in the rainy Pacific NW waiting for a funeral service to start. I looked around me and in the crowd saw the faces of so many former colleagues from KOMO TV. Some I had not seen for many years. It was an incredibly large turn out to celebrate the life of Bill Strothman. I was uplifted by that and I assume my friend’s wife Nora and their children felt it too.

When we experience the death of someone we love, a funeral or memorial service fills several important needs. First, it provides for the dignified and respectful acknowledgment of the person and his loved ones. It makes us acknowledge the death, remember the life and actively support the family during this most difficult time. Paying tribute helps survivors face the reality of the death, which is the first big step toward good grieving. It is healthy to come together to support and console each other and to have an opportunity to express the love and respect we feel for the person who was important to all of us. As I sat there making mental notes about how I was feeling I also thought about how when someone we care about dies it forces us to reflect on the meaning of life and death.

The pastor was great and the testimonials were too. Bill’s lovely daughter made us laugh and wipe away tears. Several friends and relatives spoke fondly about their memories of a life well-lived and a man few could rival. One thing that struck me most is how gracious and wonderful his wife Nora is and how even though she had suffered the biggest loss of all she made the effort to see as many of the attendees as possible. Nora smiled and hugged her way through it. I couldn’t help but feel that it must have been exhausting for her on every level. She appreciated the relationships her dear husband had with so many and gladly shared him all throughout their years together.

I especially admired how Nora arranged the service. Even though most services these days have photos and videos to remind us of who died she asked that there not be any in the church. It was a good decision for her and as I was sitting there I realized how this let us focus on celebrating Bill’s life. It kept the celebration positive. Sure we still cried but I don’t think as much as we might have if there had been video showing him vibrant and still alive. I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I thought it was an appropriate and thoughtful decision. I was impressed by Bill’s family’s strength, unyielding faith and glorious grace. He lived a life without regrets and his love and strength sustains his loved ones. It was a beautiful sight to behold. I am so glad I was there to witness their example of how to be in the world.

During the nearly two weeks prior to the service since the terrible accident took the life of our friend Bill Strothman, I read the posts on FB. Again, it is so important to have a community come together to support one another during a time of tragedy. I noticed the friends who expressed sadness, shock, anger, and most of the normal emotions that occur when someone we care about dies. I wanted to hug everyone and let him or her tell me Strothman stories to assist in the grief process–theirs and mine. I allowed myself to cry whenever I felt like it. I grieved appropriately and when the time came I got on a plane to allow myself to participate in the community of mourners gathered to hug one another and tell stories about a truly gifted friend and colleague who died too soon and who is already missed.

The color will come back. It just takes time. If it takes too long – seek the help of a grief professional.

Be well Nora, Dan and Heidi.  He is always with you.

Shirley

 

 

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Comments

  1. Nora Strothman says

    April 4, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    Shirley, thank you for this loving tribute to Bill, your friend and my husband. I, too, felt the service was a way for us all to acknowledge our loss and support each other. I realized one thing as I was receiving hugs from so many people. Not only were they giving me comfort and support, but they, too, were hurting, and I sensed that they were receiving comfort from me as well.

    I am so grateful to you for your wisdom and love. Both of your books are on my nightstand. I remember Bill telling me about Cory all those years ago, and now I get to hear his story as only his mother can tell it.
    You are a blessing.

    Reply
  2. Yuri says

    August 17, 2015 at 6:31 am

    Viva la Mr. Mo! They never live long enough, but they fill our lives with so much of susnatbce while they are here with us. I am so sorry for your loss; Mr. Mo is free.

    Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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