“…life in black and white for awhile.”

When someone we care about dies you might see life in black and white for a while. The color goes out of our lives in times of loss. For most people it comes back eventually.  Don’t despair you will see the full spectrum of colors in time.

Almost a week has gone by since I was sitting in a Lutheran church in the rainy Pacific NW waiting for a funeral service to start. I looked around me and in the crowd saw the faces of so many former colleagues from KOMO TV. Some I had not seen for many years. It was an incredibly large turn out to celebrate the life of Bill Strothman. I was uplifted by that and I assume my friend’s wife Nora and their children felt it too.

When we experience the death of someone we love, a funeral or memorial service fills several important needs. First, it provides for the dignified and respectful acknowledgment of the person and his loved ones. It makes us acknowledge the death, remember the life and actively support the family during this most difficult time. Paying tribute helps survivors face the reality of the death, which is the first big step toward good grieving. It is healthy to come together to support and console each other and to have an opportunity to express the love and respect we feel for the person who was important to all of us. As I sat there making mental notes about how I was feeling I also thought about how when someone we care about dies it forces us to reflect on the meaning of life and death.

The pastor was great and the testimonials were too. Bill’s lovely daughter made us laugh and wipe away tears. Several friends and relatives spoke fondly about their memories of a life well-lived and a man few could rival. One thing that struck me most is how gracious and wonderful his wife Nora is and how even though she had suffered the biggest loss of all she made the effort to see as many of the attendees as possible. Nora smiled and hugged her way through it. I couldn’t help but feel that it must have been exhausting for her on every level. She appreciated the relationships her dear husband had with so many and gladly shared him all throughout their years together.

I especially admired how Nora arranged the service. Even though most services these days have photos and videos to remind us of who died she asked that there not be any in the church. It was a good decision for her and as I was sitting there I realized how this let us focus on celebrating Bill’s life. It kept the celebration positive. Sure we still cried but I don’t think as much as we might have if there had been video showing him vibrant and still alive. I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I thought it was an appropriate and thoughtful decision. I was impressed by Bill’s family’s strength, unyielding faith and glorious grace. He lived a life without regrets and his love and strength sustains his loved ones. It was a beautiful sight to behold. I am so glad I was there to witness their example of how to be in the world.

During the nearly two weeks prior to the service since the terrible accident took the life of our friend Bill Strothman, I read the posts on FB. Again, it is so important to have a community come together to support one another during a time of tragedy. I noticed the friends who expressed sadness, shock, anger, and most of the normal emotions that occur when someone we care about dies. I wanted to hug everyone and let him or her tell me Strothman stories to assist in the grief process–theirs and mine. I allowed myself to cry whenever I felt like it. I grieved appropriately and when the time came I got on a plane to allow myself to participate in the community of mourners gathered to hug one another and tell stories about a truly gifted friend and colleague who died too soon and who is already missed.

The color will come back. It just takes time. If it takes too long – seek the help of a grief professional.

Be well Nora, Dan and Heidi.  He is always with you.

Shirley