Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Lessons from friends

Lessons from friends

June 25, 2016 by Shirley Enebrad 2 Comments

I am feeling small today. It is hard to describe. At times grief is hard to explain. Just in the past few weeks, I have experienced the deaths of several friends whom I loved deeply. Pamala Iacovitti was diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer and passed within six weeks. I had no idea she was sick. She passed on her birthday. Pamala was a mover and shaker for the Donald Cowan Legacy Choir in Wichita Falls, Texas. I met her while working on a documentary about the choir comprised of 120+ people from many decades of Rider H.S.’s Acappella choir. The doc focused on the music and the dedication to the choir director who had been their greatest inspiration in high school. Pamala was my point of contact for most of what I needed to get the documentary completed. She was feisty and funny and oh so kind. When Mr. C underwent cancer treatments, Pamala was with him and his family every step of the way. She also kept the rest of the choir informed on his progress. Her love and caring for Mr. C were so awe inspiring. My heart broke with her when he died. And now such a short time later, she too crossed over the rainbow bridge. I have been waiting for five years for Pam to walk the beaches of Maui with me. Now she is here in spirit.

The same week I found out about Pamala, I received a call from Alana, the wonderful daughter of my dear friend Kathleen Downey. She bravely told me that her mom had kidneys that were failing, but that was the good news. Stunned, I said, “What?” Alana explained that her mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and given approximately two weeks longer to be on this plane. I wanted to get on an airplane to see her, but unfortunately, I was just in Seattle two months ago. Alana assured me that Kath was ready to go with no regrets. She would be joining her husband Bernie, who died a few years ago and their daughter Laura, who died from cancer at age 12. That’s how I met the Downey Friedman family. I was running a grief support group for parents whose children died from cancer. At this time I was also helping to conduct weekend grief workshops for grieving children and teens. I became fast friends with Kathleen, who was acerbic, witty and hilarious. She and Bern could have taken their act on the road. When Kathleen brought Alana to one of our grief workshops, I fell in love. What a great kid. She was sad and heartbroken from the death of her beloved sister, but she was my favorite of the day and made a huge imprint on my heart. That imprint has stayed with me all these years. Alana is now without immediate family at a young age. I admire her strength. She stayed with Kath and took care of her momma well and now is hopefully grieving in a healthy way. She knows my home is open to her anytime and that she can call me day or night.

Six months ago LeAnn Peterson, a friend from my former church died suddenly from an aneurysm and just last week another woman I knew from the same church died the same way. Both were younger than Pamala and Kathleen, and both had families who mourn them. I guess when you get to a certain age people around you start to leave with more frequency. I do not like this trend. I thought the age this would start happening would be decades from now.

Sometimes I wonder why some die so young and why others live to 100. Why some people must suffer and others get to skate through life. Why do some die suddenly without the chance to say good-bye and others go through the agony of dying one centimeter at a time? The biggest lesson I want to share today is that we never know when a loved one will leave us, so it is important to tell everyone you care about how much you love him or her. Spread the love. Be like Kathleen Downey Friedman, who died with no regrets. That thought gives me some peace about her death. Although I believe it is just as important to LIVE with no regrets. Let me know what you think.

Be well,
Shirley

Denial, Grief, Life and Living, Self Care

Comments

  1. Shari says

    June 25, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    Being in the same boat with younger people and same age friends passing too soon I’m feeling every day is a gift from God! I’m learning to let go of the small stuff and live in the present. To be still and let God enter. Say I love you often and hug those you love just a little bit harder. Love you Shirl.

    Reply
    • Shirley Enebrad says

      August 16, 2016 at 10:26 pm

      I love you too Shari. Hang in there! God is great.

      Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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