Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Grief lasts a lifetime

Grief lasts a lifetime

October 10, 2018 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Grief lasts a lifetime. It can be grief for your loss of innocence, your loss of trust in the world, your loss of self.

It has never been my intention to get political on this blog since it is about helping folks grieve in a healthy manner. But, the past few weeks the hullabaloo about Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford has stirred up a lot of grief for just about every woman I know. I truly believe that one in three women has been assaulted in some way or another and most of them sexually. I sat down one afternoon and jotted down 14 instances of sexual assault such as when I was groped while walking through the concourse at a Seahawks game minding my own business and some jerk grabbed my breast. I couldn’t even discern who it was since there were so many people. My earliest memory though was when I was six years old and my family first moved to Seattle. We were staying at a large hotel, and my brother didn’t wait for me so I got lost. I asked a man if he knew where my mother was and he scooped me up and put me on his shoulder like a pirate’s parrot. I remember how I didn’t like the feel of his hands and where they were. He started going in what I felt was the right direction but when he stopped and reached out for the doorknob to his room, I knew that I was in serious trouble. I screamed for my mother and he panicked choked me and threw me down in the hallway and ran into his room. That was the end of my innocence about the world. I couldn’t stand to have anyone touch my neck, or even wear scarves or turtleneck sweaters until I was in my thirties. My second earliest memory was being harassed in the classroom by a boy who would not leave me alone. He kept trying to kiss me. When I rejected him, he poured it on. I don’t know why the teacher didn’t notice because the other kids sure did and just like Dr. Ford, to this day, I can still hear their laughter. Now, some people would say, “Oh, he just liked you. And you were in the first grade.” Well, to me even at six, it was unwanted attention. I said, “No.” and he didn’t stop. That is sexual harassment. And his unwanted kisses was assault. When I was 14 years old I worked at a restaurant and a dirty old man patron grabbed my buttock while I was refilling his water glass. I poured the ice water in his lap. When I was in high school I had injured my ankle and was on crutches. An older student whom I didn’t even know grabbed my buttock and I instinctively whirled on him and hit him in the face with the top of my crutch. He was angry and accused me of not being able to take a “joke.” In my first year of college, I went to ask my Spanish professor a question. He tried to embrace and kiss me. I smacked him and pushed him away. He gave me a failing grade even though I had been hailed in class as his “star pupil”. I never reported it because I knew it was his word against mine. Then there was the lechy dentist who gassed me up and felt me up while he worked on my teeth because his tools were on my chest, the drunk friend who decided I needed him to teach me how to be a subservient woman by trying to rape me, the former boss whom I admired who offered me a job in another city and when I went to meet with him about it he knocked me off a stool and tried to rip my clothes off, and the other so-called friend who roofied me and did rape me while I was pretty much unconscious. It took me a while to even realize that I had been roofied. I didn’t report any of these assaults. These instances didn’t break me, maybe because the worst offenses occurred when I was an adult. They just made me angry and more wary of men. That anger all came roaring back with all the disbelief and threats and horrible treatment Dr. Ford suffered for trying to stop an unqualified jackhole from being shoved onto the bench of the highest court in our nation.

The women who made nasty comments about Dr. Ford are worse than the men. Obviously, they represent those who were lucky enough to have escaped the experience of sexual assault. But, why do they feel the need to throw shade on her? Are they feeling superior because it has never happened to them? It still could but they wouldn’t be innocent teenagers like she was at the time Kavanaugh assaulted her. People don’t report for many reasons. A teenager who felt as if she put herself in that position would feel as if it were her fault. 35 years ago and still today, women are held accountable when victimized–she shouldn’t have been there…look at the way she dresses…she has had sex with other guys…she was a tease…she can’t take a joke…he wasn’t serious…boys will be boys. Our silly faux president spewing hate and ‘boo-hooing’ about a war on men and how rough it is for boys. Puhleeze. If parents like him would teach their sons and daughters to respect one another we would not have such problems. The entitlement of the males and the disrespect of females has to stop. Kavanaugh should not have been confirmed. Purely politics as usual. So, I urge you to think long and hard about voting for those who ramrodded this whiny, entitled, crybaby, victim of a conspiracy in his mind, unqualified judge in as a Supreme Court justice. Especially since they refused to release his files which would have shown how unqualified he is for the position. Vote for those who care about our country, the environment, human rights, animals, and the planet.

As I have mentioned before, grief is different for each of us. It can be for any number of reasons or situations, not just a physical death. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.

Be well,

Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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