The past few months for my brother Bobby have been hellish. He had a misdiagnosis and not great treatment as a result. I don’t want to violate my brother’s privacy any more than I already have by asking all of my FB friends to pray for him…But, unfortunately he is the perfect example that people are forced to mourn the loss or death of many things not just people….relationships, friendships, jobs/careers and body parts. My courageous brother made it through the surgery very well because he has a strong heart and a determination to live. These qualities will serve him well as he experiences the cycles of grief. The surgeon talked about sadness, anger, frustration and possible other emotions that will go around and around at various times until he adjusts. As the surgeon was talking I nodded knowing that people who have to say good-bye to their arm or leg or lung have to mourn those losses just like a loved one’s death. My brother’s arm and hand are gone and that affects his ability to play the bass guitar—his life’s passion and the way he made his living. He knows that he has to find another way to make music and to re-learn how to cook, put on his pants, button his shirts, etc. This is so similar to someone who loses a loved one. We have to re-learn how to breathe…how to feel happy again…how to move forward. When my show was canceled I had to re-think who I was and how I was going to make a living. When I moved to a place that doesn’t have any local television stations I had to re-think again what kind of job I should get that would fit my skills and passions. These are not as dramatic or as painful as what my brother is facing but examples that loss comes in many ways. Grief is hard but necessary. If you don’t allow yourself to feel and process the pain and experience the cycles of emotions it takes longer to heal. If you don’t deal with your grief it doesn’t go away…it will wait for you and take a toll on your life. So, get on with it.
My heart aches for Bobby and his family and for everyone who is grieving a loss. I highly suggest support groups and of course one-on-one counseling. Live with gratitude and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Live aloha,
Shirley
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