I recently traveled to the great Pacific Northwest to do a book event, and a television interview on New Day NW a talk show on KING-TV. It was great fun. I was able to reconnect with some friends I had not seen in years and a few I hadn’t seen in decades. The experience was exhilarating in terms of being able to speak about my son Cory and get his messages out to a whole new audience of people. He was such an incredible inspiration to me and continues to touch the lives of so many.
Television has been an integral part of my life since 1985 when I went to work at KOMO-TV an ABC station in Seattle. I met some of my favorite people there and in fact, they are more like family than most co-workers. Two of my most favorites died last year. Bill Strothman died in a news helicopter crash and Ken Schram from illness. I miss them both terribly. Both dear friends who should have lived many more years.
The day of my TV interview a few weeks ago, I woke up at my sister’s house and as is my habit I looked at my I-phone. Its the mom in me checking for messages from one of the kids. Anyway, my heart stopped when I saw a FB message from my friend’s daughter. One of my best friends Scott Newman died. His daughter’s message sounded bewildered. Newman as I called him was a young funny sarcastic (sometimes I couldn’t tell when he was serious), brilliant sports newspaper writer before going into investigative TV and other things post-TV. He was not unlike the character in Everybody Love Raymond. He was the most dedicated father and husband I have ever known. He was a true friend. We met at an IRE (Investigative Reporters & Editors) conference 20 years ago. He was someone I could call about anything and everything. He opened his home to me and my family. He hosted me and my friend in NYC and he always made me laugh.
Something different happens when people die suddenly. The earth tips. Nothing is certain any longer. When Bill’s helicopter went down the earth tilted. When my other TV friend 46 y.o. John Hudson died from a heart attack on his way to the news set my foundation was shaken. So much to grasp especially when someone you care about dies and you don’t know why. Take suicide for example. You want to know why the person took his or her life. How you could have done something differently so that it would not have happened. If or how you contributed to the person’s painful decision. If only you would have done this or not done that… Woulda shoulda coulda goes through your mind over and over. I believe there are many reasons people suicide. It all has to do with pain. It could be emotional pain, physical pain that creates emotional pain and a sense of complete hopelessness. The person doesn’t see any other way to end the pain. As heartbreaking as the knowledge that a loved one went through such deep pain is for survivors, imagine what he or she experienced to get to that point? Then, when you do imagine it the woulda shoulda couldas start all over again. It’s a solitary decision. Many people think it is a selfish one. I have never once in my life contemplated suicide, but I have experienced chronic back pain after a car accident. It plunged me into bouts of depression. I get how chronic pain can affect people. I have always believed that each person’s path is his or her own. I don’t believe that judging people does anyone any good. You and I did not and could not have known what was going on internally with another person. Which again, starts that “how could I have not known?” type of questioning. I am saddened for the survivors those who loved the person and now live with the questions and the guilt for not having done enough.
I know I sound like a broken record sometimes but no matter how a person dies, you have to focus on the positive memories.The love you shared will always be part of you but you won’t be able to feel it and be comforted by it if you allow the negative thoughts to take over. Remember and focus on the good times…the laughter…the sweet parts…the best qualities of your loved one.
Be well,
Shirley
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