Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Focus on the good

Focus on the good

November 25, 2015 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

I recently traveled to the great Pacific Northwest to do a book event, and a television interview on New Day NW a talk show on KING-TV. It was great fun. I was able to reconnect with some friends I had not seen in years and a few I hadn’t seen in decades. The experience was exhilarating in terms of being able to speak about my son Cory and get his messages out to a whole new audience of people. He was such an incredible inspiration to me and continues to touch the lives of so many.

Television has been an integral part of my life since 1985 when I went to work at KOMO-TV an ABC station in Seattle. I met some of my favorite people there and in fact, they are more like family than most co-workers. Two of my most favorites died last year. Bill Strothman died in a news helicopter crash and Ken Schram from illness. I miss them both terribly. Both dear friends who should have lived many more years.

The day of my TV interview a few weeks ago, I woke up at my sister’s house and as is my habit I looked at my I-phone. Its the mom in me checking for messages from one of the kids. Anyway, my heart stopped when I saw a FB message from my friend’s daughter. One of my best friends Scott Newman died. His daughter’s message sounded bewildered. Newman as I called him was a young funny sarcastic (sometimes I couldn’t tell when he was serious), brilliant sports newspaper writer before going into investigative TV and other things post-TV. He was not unlike the character in Everybody Love Raymond. He was the most dedicated father and husband I have ever known. He was a true friend. We met at an IRE (Investigative Reporters & Editors) conference 20 years ago. He was someone I could call about anything and everything. He opened his home to me and my family. He hosted me and my friend in NYC and he always made me laugh.

Something different happens when people die suddenly. The earth tips. Nothing is certain any longer. When Bill’s helicopter went down the earth tilted. When my other TV friend 46 y.o. John Hudson died from a heart attack on his way to the news set my foundation was shaken. So much to grasp especially when someone you care about dies and you don’t know why. Take suicide for example. You want to know why the person took his or her life. How you could have done something differently so that it would not have happened. If or how you contributed to the person’s painful decision. If only you would have done this or not done that… Woulda shoulda coulda goes through your mind over and over. I believe there are many reasons people suicide. It all has to do with pain. It could be emotional pain, physical pain that creates emotional pain and a sense of complete hopelessness. The person doesn’t see any other way to end the pain. As heartbreaking as the knowledge that a loved one went through such deep pain is for survivors, imagine what he or she experienced to get to that point? Then, when you do imagine it the woulda shoulda couldas start all over again. It’s a solitary decision. Many people think it is a selfish one. I have never once in my life contemplated suicide, but I have experienced chronic back pain after a car accident. It plunged me into bouts of depression. I get how chronic pain can affect people. I have always believed that each person’s path is his or her own. I don’t believe that judging people does anyone any good. You and I did not and could not have known what was going on internally with another person. Which again, starts that “how could I have not known?” type of questioning. I am saddened for the survivors those who loved the person and now live with the questions and the guilt for not having done enough.

I know I sound like a broken record sometimes but no matter how a person dies, you have to focus on the positive memories.The love you shared will always be part of you but you won’t be able to feel it and be comforted by it if you allow the negative thoughts to take over. Remember and focus on the good times…the laughter…the sweet parts…the best qualities of your loved one.

Be well,
Shirley

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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