Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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September 17, 2017 by Shirley Enebrad 1 Comment

No one grieves the same way or at the same pace. Families reeling from a loss, especially death, struggle with the differences because they don’t understand why others aren’t portraying the same feelings or behaving as him or her. It always bears repeating. No one grieves the same. Our grief is as individual as snowflakes. We have different life experiences and beliefs that shape us. So, don’t judge how others are grieving or not. In the case of children and teens, they often delay their grief because they do not want to add to their parents’ heavy load.

What happens when you are concerned about the way an adult child is handling grief either with substance abuse or some other addiction? Sadly you cannot force anyone to get therapy either individually or in a group setting. My suggestion is that you model healthy grieving by openly crying, talk about your feelings and keep communication open. Be honest with your struggles and fears and try to encourage your adult griever to think about and hopefully verbalize his or her feelings. Remind him or her that you are always there to talk and offer to help with finding someone to help if ever he or she feels the need to speak with someone outside the family. Grief is not a mental illness it is a natural consequence of loving someone who dies or leaves your life in other ways.

Do not try to get your adult child to go to a religious based support group or therapist if he or she is not religious. It won’t work. You can describe grief as a learning experience. It is painful. That has to be acknowledged. Grief doesn’t have to be crippling though, If your adult child turns to substance abuse as a coping mechanism, you must address it as any addictive behavior should be. Do it with love but do not condone dangerous actions. Get help. Denial doesn’t work for anyone involved.

Be well,

Shirley

Blog, Denial, Grief, Life and Living, Self Care

Comments

  1. Shari says

    September 17, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    This is such good advice and reminder for us all not to judge others but to be kind and compassionate to each other. To seek outside help if needed is also great advice. Thanks for including the loss of a loved one that hasn’t died. This is a whole other type of loss.
    Well written Shirley!

    Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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