Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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Birthdays

Birthdays

March 16, 2019 by Shirley Enebrad 1 Comment

When your loved one crosses over the rainbow bridge it hurts. Holidays are rough for the first few years. I think birthdays are painful forever. You always have the compulsion to add another year of “what ifs?” and “if only (s).” My son’s birthday is coming up in a few days and even though he has been out of his physical body four times longer than he was with me, another birthday without him still causes my heart to ache.

Cory’s cousin just crossed over the rainbow bridge three months ago. They were only a few weeks apart in age. I know Cory was there along with his uncle Terry to greet Travis with open arms. I thought of Travis on his birthday a few weeks ago. He was able to grow up and get married but he suffered from a painful disease for most of his life. That could not have been easy. He fought the good fight. My heart goes out to his family but especially to his mother. Age does not matter. He will always be her baby boy.

When my brother’s birthday is approaching I start feeling sad. I miss him like crazy but my sadness is more for his grieving widow and his children. He should still be here with them. Then, that sadness turns into anger about the crappy medical treatment he received.

A few days ago my friend’ Elle’s sweet mother Frances died. She had been to the hospital several times in the past week. Both times the hospital sent her home. The last time, she passed the very next day! That’s when Elle found out her mother had stage 3 kidney disease and stage 4 liver cancer. I am still stunned. Were they just being callous because of her age?  Did they really miss those two BIG diagnoses?

My grandson came home with a similar story about his friend’s grandfather getting blown off by the same hospital. His family was told not to bring him to the ER again, they would turn him away. Something terrible was said such as, “Get him a burger and let him die happy.” Really? Who says that to a frightened family? Does this hospital staff think that too many birthdays means people are expendable? (It sounds like a good news story. I may pass it along to a local journalist).

Yes, birthdays are hard whether the person you cared about died years ago or recently or whether the person was nine or ninety….  I don’t cry anymore but the longing and the missing are still part of my thoughts and inner well-being. So, just know that when the birthday of your loved one is approaching be ready for a shift. It is normal to feel extra sensitive and sadder than you have lately. When the day actually gets here, you will marvel at how well you did and then try to tuck away those feelings until the next one approaches.

It might help to celebrate his or her birthday in some way. You can bake a cake, donate flowers in his or her name to your church if you have one, or drop off food to the local food bank, donate to a favorite charity, invite loved ones to write a favorite memory down and send to you, ask for photographs, buy a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store and gift it to a random person in the parking lot, or even just pay for the order of the car behind you in the Starbucks drive through.

If you have other ideas you would like to share please send me a quick response.

Be well.

Shirley

 

Blog, Grief, Life and Living, Self Care

Comments

  1. Kaleigh says

    March 18, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    We get chocolate every year on my Dad’s birthday- I probably will for the rest of my life

    Reply

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Reviews & Testimonials

This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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This book on coping is such a gift. It’s a quick, concise read that any busy, grief stricken person can benefit from. Knowing that the writer has experienced grief is powerful, she has walked down the lonely, painful journey herself. Thank you for this book as we grieve the loss of my beautiful mother-in-law!
Joanie Raaum (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Shirley, I can’t tell you how much your book touched my life. Your son was an amazing boy-such an upbeat, inspiring, beautiful little boy… although I cried, I also celebrated the person he was. And your writing made me feel like I was a part of your life with your son, instead of just reading about it. Images came to mind. Like when you had to walk that long distance to the hospital with your son in your arms after your car broke down. There were so many others… and the laughs I had with the ghosts!  The feelings I experienced while reading –I … Read more
Lisa Salvati, TV News Reporter, New York (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The written word can be very powerful and moving, and every so often there is a book that can truly change lives; Over the Rainbow Bridge is that important. It is a true account of a heroic child’s mission in his short life to teach us about love and life, that one and both are the same: eternal. In our culture, where death is almost a taboo subject, Over the Rainbow Bridge will help us confront our fears and embrace life in a “down to earth” way. It is accessible, a comfort to read, as if being embraced by an old friend.
Gei Chan, well-read Artist & Designer
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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