Shirley Enebrad

Author, Speaker & Grief Counselor

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18 Tips to help you through the Holidays

18 Tips to help you through the Holidays

December 17, 2021 by Shirley Enebrad Leave a Comment

Here we are again. It is that time of year again. You may find yourself more sensitive, irritable, less patient, and sad right now. The first few years after your loss, you expect to feel poorly on birthdays and holidays – mainly because others have warned you. You don’t expect it to start weeks prior, though. So, if you are feeling out of sorts more than usual, take a deep breath to calm yourself and try to focus on a happy memory of a good time that you shared with your loved one. It may take lots more deep breaths and good memories, but this should help. I know it does for me. Sad times, deep breathing, and happy memories are all part of the grief process.

Here are 18 tips to help you get through the holidays. If you think of any others, please send them my way for next year’s list.

1) Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. No pressure is needed.

2) Cherish the memories of better times. Set aside the sad ones.

3) Remember the good times. And know that your loved one wants you to be happy.

4) Acknowledge your pain and then put your energy into honoring his or her memory.

5) Make new memories. The holidays are often complicated, stressful, and sad even for those not grieving. For some trying to live up to the ads, in magazines or on TV, it is impossible. So, give yourself a break. The way you feel about holidays cab derive from memories of your childhood…some happy, some sad. If you are grieving, take it easy. Do what you can.

6) Continue to include your loved one in your celebrations.  We always put ornaments my son made or owned on our tree.

7) Keep it light. Laugh often. Hug lots.

8) Eat healthy foods and make sure that you are getting enough exercise and sleep.

9) Volunteer to help others. It will make you feel good. You might want to invite your family members to join you in serving at a soup kitchen or giving away toys at a shelter or a hospital.

10) Donate to a charity in memory of your loved one. Donate to his or her favorite cause. In honor of my son Cory, we donate to childhood cancer charities and adopt families to help them have a lovely Christmas.

11) Again, we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve (unless one is behaving in a self-destructive way). You need to face your grief. Do not try to ignore it.

12) Respect the coping style of those who are also grieving. Their style might be the opposite of yours, but they are doing what they can manage too.

13) Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one who died. Acknowledge his or her and do not be fearful of upsetting others in the process.

14) Create new rituals and be sure to include your loved one. For example, at your family celebration, ask each family member or friend to bring an item for a memory box. They could write a favorite memory, share a photo, write a poem or letter, and then spend some time sharing each item. Place the items in the box that you all decorated or selected together. Each year add new items.

15) Listen to your body. Don’t push yourself too hard. Do what you can. If your loss is very recent, your priority is to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family. Get lots of rest.

16) Surround yourself with supportive, loving, caring people, and then, if needed, don’t be shy about asking for help. If you don’t have the energy or desire to go shopping, or get the house decorated, or do any holiday baking, ask friends and family members for help. Or just let it go this year. Do not pressure yourself to do things for others if it is too much for you.

17) If your loved one was self-destructive, please try to let go of your anger and judgment. Addiction is a disease like all others. You may believe he or she chose substance abuse over family and loved ones, but how can you be sure? Addiction is powerful. Focus on your good memories. Talk to a professional about your anger.

18) Suicide is hard on survivors.  Many people think it is an act of total selfishness, but your loved one must have felt as if he or she could no longer cope. Try to remember that he or she was in so much pain for death to seem like the only solution left. Try to focus on the good times. (Please understand, I am not saying that you are not entitled to your anger. I just don’t want it to damage your ability to enjoy yourself and your loved ones.)

Be well, and God bless,

Shirley

Mahalo to Cole Ciarlello for the beautiful photo!

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Reviews & Testimonials

Cory was my favorite patient ever and he taught me more than I could ever teach him. His lessons about Summerland (the afterlife) were profound and his drawings of what he saw ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ helped thousands of people get in touch with their long-buried emotions.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Famed researcher & author of 16 books ‘On Death and Dying’
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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Over the Rainbow Bridge is an intelligent and emotional book that exhibits an unforgettable life and death of a child wise beyond his young years. You don’t have to be grieving to get Cory’s life lessons.
Karen Minton, MA, CAN, Gosnell Memorial Hospice House, Maine
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The greatest gift I received from reading “Over the Rainbow Bridge” is a comforting peace about death and dying. Death is not an ending, but the beginning of a new phase. Powerful. Thanks Cory for your wisdom.Through the life of this 9 year old boy, I learned more insights about heaven and the afterlife than I ever learned by attending church. I don’t know who I’m more impressed with—Cory, a young man who even in death was the most positive, inspirational person I never met; or his mother Shirley who had the courage to really list… Read more
Shelly Heesacker, Freelance TV Field Producer for ‘Oprah’ and ‘The Dr. Phil Show’
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Although I haven’t experienced too much loss, this short, to-the-point book gave me a wealth of very important information on how to help others cope with grief, and how to know what to expect when it happens to me. I learned about things to say and not to say to those grieving, and how important it is to let yourself go through the process when you experience loss. The author knows what she is talking about, as she has experienced extensive loss herself. Concise and helpful tips!
P. Pacelli, Sammamish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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I loved this very human and touching story of a family’s journey with a terminally ill child. Although it was sad, it was also courageous and funny. It was far more about living than about dying, and offers a positive example for all of us to value each day. The messages about life beyond death’s door are intriguing, uplifting, and very believable. Thank you for a beautiful read.
Marcia Shaver (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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This is a must read for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one.. It is a quick read and knowing that the author has dealt with loss helps you to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we all deal in our own ways. I have read this book three times so far and each time I find something new to help me with the loss of my granddaughter. I will continue to read over and over again and I plan to purchase this book for any friend or family going through this process!
Barb Bottman, Snohomish, WA (after reading Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief)
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Books are often described as good, exciting, motivational, or inspirational. Rarely do you find one that is truly life transforming. ‘Over the Rainbow Bridge’ is just such a book. It is absolutely miraculous the impact the story of this little nine your old child had on my perception of life, death, and God. My life has been inspired and enhanced by Cory’s story. If you are depressed for any reason, you will have a change of heart and mind after reading how Cory dealt with every day life in the short time he was here on earth. I can hardl… Read more
Carrie D. Hewitt, Newly Encouraged Mother of Four
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This primer on grief is practical , honest, and totally on the money about feelings, thoughts, and behaviors which are part of the human experience of grief and loss. The six word lessons are understandable, strengthening, and probably because there are only ‘six words’ easily remembered. It also takes direct aim at the guilt experienced about ‘the need to talk about it’.
William M Womack MD, Psychiatrist ("Six Word Lessons" On Coping with Grief)
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I just have to tell you that your book has become a part of me.  I have milked it by only reading it when I was alone and quiet.  I feel I know little Cory now.  It has been a privilege getting to know his sweet spirit.  Thank you so much for sharing a small part of him with me.  I would love to see the video that was made.  Bless your heart for the pure love and strength that you instilled in your sweet baby.  Cory is a true gift to all who get to share his story.
Pamala Butler Iacovitti, Wichita Falls, Texas (after reading Over the Rainbow Bridge)
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