Complicated grief is aptly described in one dictionary as “An abnormal response to bereavement that includes unrelieved yearning for the dead person, the complete loss of previous positive beliefs or worldviews, and a general inability to function.” Other words that describe this condition are “stuck, impenetrable, locked away.”
In my many years of doing grief workshops, support groups and one on one assistance with grievers one of my biggest heartaches has been witnessing people with complicated grief. It is very difficult to get through to someone who has a shattered sense of the world and who no longer cares about anything… He or she is being held captive by their grief. This intense amplification of grief prevents you from moving forward and can harm everyone around you.
Not feeling like yourself? Here is a list of some of the signs that grief has become complicated and that you or someone you love needs professional help to unlock the binds that are holding you down:
1) you are hyper-sensitive to news or stories of loss
2) unexplained restlessness, agitation and over-sensitivity
3) consumed by fear about death – yours or others
4) rigid, ritualistic and compulsive behavior
5) easy to anger over things you would have ignored in the past
6) you feel vacant with no emotional expression whatsoever
7) intimacy is not possible because you are consumed by sad thoughts
8) you are impulsive about relationships
9) taking care of yourself is the last thing on your mind
10) you neglect your family
11) the inability to detach from objects you connect with the deceased
12) obsessed with visiting the grave
If you recognize yourself or someone you love in any of these symptoms please seek professional help. Life can be good again but you have to want it. Letting go of your grief does not mean that you are betraying the person who died. Grief does not have to be your last connection to your loved one. You have beautiful memories so cherish them…try to focus your energy on remembering the good times and just know that the person you are mourning would not want you to ignore your own happiness. The key is to live again to honor him or her and if you need help removing the locks that are holding you back please get it for you and your loved ones.
Be well,
Shirley
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